Helping you become the partners your relationship needs you to be
Two partners, each able to give the relationship what it needs and protect what they have together
Hi, I'm Paul
Twenty-plus years ago, I was struggling to make my own relationship work. No matter what we tried, nothing seemed to create lasting change. It was a lonely and difficult time, living beside the person I’d chosen to spend my forever with.
My experience of counselling inspired me to retrain and specialise as a couples psychotherapist. For the past 15 years, I’ve worked exclusively with couples.
I never forget what it can feel like when I’m helping others. I know how difficult things can become between two people who love each other, and how hard it can be to know what to do next.
Today, I work with couples in Caterham and the surrounding areas, and online.
Creating lasting change
When couples become stuck, one or both partners may need to develop or change in some way before the relationship can change – and what each of you needs may be different.
My psychotherapy training allows me to work with what is happening within each of you, while working with you together. I can understand what your relationship needs from each of you and help you develop the understanding and ability to give it.
The aim is two partners who can resolve difficulties together, give their relationship what it needs and protect what they have built.
The Counselling page explains how I help couples create lasting change.
Why I know change is possible
I see relationships that have felt dead for years come back to life, and couples resolve things they have argued about for what feels like forever.In my experience, how long you’ve struggled — or how complicated things have become — doesn’t decide what is possible.
- People can only do what they currently know how to do.
- Much of what keeps couples stuck is difficult to see or understand from inside the relationship.
- What we already know can be difficult to put into practice when our own patterns and sensitivities are triggered.
- With the right understanding, knowledge and skills, you can respond differently and change what happens between you.
These principles shape the way I work with every couple.
Working together
Couples often arrive feeling frustrated, drained and uncertain about the future, and it can be hard to know where to start when talking about something so personal.
I’m calm, friendly and patient, so you’ll have the space to talk things through. I don’t take sides or judge. We all say and do things we regret at times. I certainly did. I’ll also be actively involved in helping you understand what’s happening and what needs to change.
You’ll have a clear plan and always know what we’re working on, why we’re working on it and what you need to do, with step-by-step guidance throughout.
We work together, but the aim is that eventually you won’t need me.
Taking the next step
Taking that first step can be the hardest part — so there’s no pressure or obligation, whatever you decide.
I’d be pleased to hear from you whenever you’re ready, or you can find out more about me, how I help couples and how to get started on the pages below.
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