Helping you become the partners you need to be for each other
So you can understand each other, face difficulties together and protect what you have
Hi, I'm Paul
More than 20 years ago, I was struggling to make my own relationship work. No matter what we tried, nothing seemed to create lasting change. It was a lonely and difficult time, living beside the person I had chosen to spend my life with but not knowing how to change what was happening between us.
My experience of counselling changed much more than my relationship. It inspired me to retrain as a psychotherapist and specialise in working with couples.
For the past 15 years, I’ve worked exclusively with couples.
I never forget what relationship difficulties can feel like when I’m helping others. I know how difficult things can become between two people who love each other, and how hard it can be to know what to do next.
Today, I work with couples in Caterham and the surrounding areas, as well as online.
Creating lasting change
When a relationship becomes stuck, lasting change often begins with understanding what each partner needs to develop or do differently. What each of you needs may not be the same.
My psychotherapy training allows me to work with what is happening within each of you while working with you together. I can look beyond the immediate problem to understand what is getting in the way, what is driving your reactions and help each of you develop what you need to make things different between you.
Couples Counselling page explains how I help couples create lasting change.
Why I know change is possible
I see relationships that have felt dead for years come back to life, and couples resolve things they have argued about for what feels like forever.
In my experience, how long you’ve struggled – or how complicated things have become – doesn’t decide what is possible.
- People can only do what they currently know how to do.
- Much of what keeps couples stuck is difficult to see or understand from inside the relationship.
- What we already know can be difficult to put into practice when our own patterns and sensitivities are triggered.
- With the right understanding, knowledge and skills, you can respond differently and change what happens between you.
These principles shape the way I work with every couple.
Working together
Couples often arrive feeling frustrated, drained and uncertain about the future. It can be difficult to know where to begin when talking about something so personal.
I’m calm, patient and compassionate, and I’ll do my best to help both of you feel comfortable. Although I take the work seriously, I can also see the funny side of life when it naturally arises. Counselling doesn’t have to feel heavy all the time.
I won’t judge either of you or take sides. We all say and do things we regret at times. I certainly did.
At the same time, I won’t simply sit back and listen. I’ll be actively involved—helping you understand what is happening, identify what needs to change and gently supporting you as you begin doing things differently.
You’ll have a clear plan and always know what we’re working on, why we’re working on it and what you need to do next, with step-by-step guidance throughout.
We work together, but the aim is that eventually you won’t need me.
Find out more
If you look around the website, you’ll find out more about me, how I work with couples and what to expect if you decide to get in touch.
The pages below will tell you all about couples counselling and what you can achieve, my background and how to get started.
If you think I might be able to help, or simply have a question, I look forward to hearing from you.
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