Helping you become the partners your relationship needs you to be
Two partners, each able to give the relationship what it needs and protect what they have together
Hi, I'm Paul
Twenty-plus years ago, I was struggling to make my own relationship work. No matter what we tried, nothing seemed to create lasting change. It was a lonely and difficult time, living beside the person I’d chosen to spend my forever with.
My experience of counselling inspired me to retrain and specialise as a couples psychotherapist. For the past 15 years, I’ve worked exclusively with couples.
I never forget what it can feel like when I’m helping others. I know how difficult things can become between two people who love each other, and how hard it can be to know what to do next.
Today, I work with couples in Caterham and the surrounding areas, and online.
How my approach is different
I see two people with their own histories, sensitivities, skills, patterns and personalities. My psychotherapy training means I can understand what’s happening within each of you, as well as between you, and identify what each of you needs.
We work together as a couple, helping each partner develop the understanding, knowledge and skills they need to become the partner their relationship needs them to be.
Whether you’re dealing with one particular issue or need to rebuild your relationship, I’ll help you understand what needs to change and how to change it. Counselling page explains how I help couples create lasting change.
Why I know change is possible
I see relationships that have felt dead for years come back to life, and couples resolve things they have argued about for what feels like forever. How long you’ve struggled is no indication whatsoever of the outcome.
- People can only do what they currently know how to do.
- Much of what keeps couples stuck is difficult to see or understand from inside the relationship.
- Individual patterns can affect how we respond, particularly when emotions are involved.
- With the right understanding, knowledge and skills, you can respond differently and change what happens between you.
These principles shape the way I work with every couple.
Working together
Couples often arrive feeling frustrated, drained and uncertain about the future, making it hard to know where to start when talking about something so personal.
I’m calm, friendly and patient, so you’ll have the space to talk things through. I don’t take sides or judge. We all say and do things we regret at times. I certainly did.
You’ll also have a clear plan and always know what we’re working on, why and what you need to do, with step-by-step guidance throughout.
Taking the next step
Taking that first step can be the hardest part — so there’s no pressure or obligation, whatever you decide.
I’d be pleased to hear from you whenever you’re ready, or you can find out more about me, how I help couples and how to get started on the pages below.