Couples Psychotherapy for Coulsdon
Helping you understand what is happening between you and create lasting change
Hi, I'm Paul
I came to this work through my own experience. More than 20 years ago, my relationship was struggling and, whatever we tried, the changes never seemed to last. It was a difficult and lonely place to be.
Counselling helped me change my relationship and also changed the direction of my life. I retrained as a psychotherapist, later specialising in couples work, and for the past 15 years I’ve worked exclusively with couples.
That experience has stayed with me. I know how painful things can become between two people who love each other, and how uncertain the next step can feel. I now see couples from Coulsdon at my Caterham practice and online.
More than managing the problem
My focus is on therapy that creates a tangible difference in your relationship — emotionally, practically, behaviourally and psychologically.
That means we don’t simply find better ways of living with the same difficulties. I’ll be actively involved in helping you understand what is happening, develop different ways of responding and begin making real changes in our sessions.
The aim is lasting change, not simply better management of the problems.
A calm, active way of working
Bringing your relationship to therapy can feel exposing. I remember how little I understood about counselling when I first went for help, and how vulnerable it felt to talk about something so private.
I’m calm, patient and compassionate, and I work with kindness, respect and dignity. I won’t judge either of you or take sides. We all get things wrong at times, particularly when we are hurt, frightened or overwhelmed.
I will also be active in the work. Difficult conversations sometimes need to happen, and I’ll help you have them safely and use them to make progress. Also to explore why you are unsure of what you want.
Change can happen from difficult starting points
Couples arrive caught in the same negative dynamic, with the same outcomes over and over again. Often, difficulties have run for years, or it’s one big thing or they feel their relationship is no more than just getting by.
Yet each week I see that when we introduce the knowledge and understanding needed, along with caring and effective communication in place of blame and judgement, old patterns drop away and what happens between them changes.
They repair hurt, create a relationship that works for both and know how to solve differences without help.
I hope that after reading about how I help, you see change is possible for you too.
Find out more
If you’d simply like to ask a question, find out more or talk things through, you’re very welcome to call me. I’ll always make time for you, you won’t feel rushed and you don’t have to decide anything.
If you’d prefer to find out more first, you can read about how I work with couples, my background, what you can expect from counselling and how to get started.
You don’t have to know what you want to do next. Sometimes a conversation can help you work that out.
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