Paul Lipman

Couples Psychotherapist - Caterham, Surrey

My Commitment to You

Why I do this work, how I think and what you can expect from me

Where it all began

I think one of the things that helps me be good at this is that I don’t like small talk, which drives my friends crazy. They know that when we meet up, as they put it, “we’re all going to get therapy with a cup of coffee.”

It’s not exactly true, but my work has been a passion ever since I had counselling. I never intended to become a psychotherapist, but the experience was so life-changing that I turned my life upside down, changing career.

Learning through my own experience

Growing up in a family that didn’t show me what a healthy relationship looked like, I simply fumbled my way through, making every mistake in the book and probably inventing a few. It was only through having counselling that I learned how to understand my own relationship and what it needed from me as a partner.

Why I created Whole Psychology

That experience led me to train as a psychotherapist and to call my practice Whole Psychology. Although I tend to work under my own name these days, the thinking behind Whole Psychology has never changed.

I’m committed to therapy that delivers real change. For me, that means helping partners understand themselves and each other, while developing the skills and knowledge to give their relationship what it needs.

That’s how we get to the root of the issues. Without that deeper work, therapy becomes surface problem-solving, and the changes rarely last.

Every session will be a step forward

I don’t stop thinking about you just because a session ends. For me, every session should take us a step towards your goals, and afterwards I’ll provide summaries, exercises and information to help you continue making progress between sessions.

After all these years

Today, many years and hundreds of couples later, I’m still as excited when everything falls into place and what seemed impossible only weeks before starts to change as I was with my very first couple.

That excitement has never faded. Nor have I ever lost sight of how much this work matters or the responsibility that comes with it.

I hope, after reading this page, you have a sense of who I am, why I do this work and how seriously I take the trust people place in me.

What you can expect from me

I know how difficult it can be to trust someone you’ve only just met with something as important as your relationship. I know what it’s like to sit on the other side of the room, and I never forget what that can feel like.

I’ll be actively involved throughout our work together. Whilst it may sometimes feel as though we’re simply having a conversation, I’m always listening, thinking and learning about what is happening for each of you and between you. I’ll help you make sense of it, guide you towards what will help and, when needed, gently nudge you forward.

I know this work isn’t always easy. There can be hurt, anger and fear to work through, alongside learning new ways of thinking, communicating and responding.I won’t rush you. I’ll be patient, supportive and encouraging, while always keeping us focused on what will help next.

Specialist Areas & Main Training

I specialise in relationship-focused psychotherapy, drawing on extensive experience from both couples work and general clinical practice.

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