Couples Psychotherapy for Oxted
Helping couples make changes that last
Hi, I'm Paul
For the past 15 years, I’ve worked exclusively with couples finding it difficult to make their relationship work.
More than 20 years ago, I was struggling with my own relationship. It was a difficult and lonely time: being with the person I’d chosen to share my life with, but feeling that nothing we tried seemed to help.
I know how it feels to wonder whether things can change, whether someone will understand and whether counselling will make a difference.
That experience led me to retrain as a psychotherapist. I worked in primary care for five years before specialising in couples.
Today, I work with couples in Oxted and the surrounding areas, as well as online.
Making a lasting difference
My own experience is part of why I’m passionate about offering therapy that creates lasting change—emotionally, behaviourally, psychologically and practically—in your relationship, rather than simply helping you cope better.
You’ll come to understand what happens between you that leaves you struggling and stuck. Together, we’ll identify what needs to change for you as a couple and for each of you individually, while I make the therapy clear, understandable and practical to use.
We’ll start making real changes during our sessions, and you’ll know how to carry these forward at home. We’ll work on what keeps causing the difficulties, as well as addressing what has brought you here.
Support without judgement
I know how vulnerable it can feel to talk about your relationship. When I first went for counselling, I was frightened, uncertain and had little idea what to expect. That experience has never left me.
I’m calm, patient and compassionate. I treat both of you with kindness, respect and dignity and I won’t take sides. People say and do things they regret when relationships are under strain. I did too.
I’ll support you without avoiding difficult areas, including if you are unsure about what you want. We’ll work at a pace that is right for you while still using the moments that can help create change.
Why I know change can happen
Couples often arrive caught in the same negative patterns, reaching the same outcomes time and again. Sometimes the difficulties have continued for years. Sometimes there is one big issue, or a sense that the relationship has become little more than getting by.
Yet every week, I see how things change when couples gain the knowledge and understanding they need, and caring, effective communication begins to replace blame and judgement. Old patterns start to fall away, and what happens between them changes.
They can repair hurt, build a relationship that works for both of them and learn to resolve their differences without help.
I hope that reading about how I help gives you a sense that change is possible for you too.
Find out more
If you’d simply like to ask a question, find out more or talk things through, you’re very welcome to call me. I’ll always make time for you, you won’t feel rushed and you don’t have to decide anything.
If you’d prefer to find out more first, you can read about how I work with couples, my background, what you can expect from counselling and how to get started.
You don’t have to know what you want to do next. Sometimes a conversation can help you work that out.
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