Couples Counselling
Understanding what's happening between you — and how to change it
How couples get stuck
One of the hardest things for couples is knowing how to change something that isn’t working between them, even when they both want things to be better.
Partners usually know what isn’t right and try to make things better. Yet when relationships become strained, something can trigger a familiar reaction. The other partner reacts, which triggers another reaction, and very quickly they can find themselves caught in a pattern.
Triggers and patterns keep returning couples to the same negative dynamic that sits below the surface, unseen until they find themselves feeling it again and again. The issue may change, but the dynamic remains the same. Once caught in the pattern, partners react rather than respond, and it becomes very difficult to solve any issue, and the argument itself can become another issue.
Over time, partners begin to build resentment, often feeling disappointed and lonely. They may settle into a more distant relationship, withdraw or push for change, but these attempts often bring about the opposite of what they truly want.
The sad truth is that no one teaches us or equips us to be in a relationship. For most, it’s trial and error, and somehow we are meant to create change with the very same skills, knowledge and understanding that got us stuck in the first place.
Yet, when both partners want their relationship to work and are willing to learn and invest in it, relationships that have felt dead for years can come back to life. Longstanding problems that once felt impossible can become understood and resolved.
As clients often tell me, “It’s like the ‘us’ is back.” This time, though, they both know how to protect what they’ve rebuilt.
Why my approach is different
Unlike traditional approaches where couples receive the same help as a couple, my approach recognises that you are two different people, so what each of you needs is rarely exactly the same.
Working together, I integrate my psychotherapy training to give you both the support and help you need, individually and for your relationship.
You each develop the understanding, knowledge and practical skills needed to resolve the difficulties you come with, build the relationship you want and deal with future difficulties quickly.
The four areas every relationship needs
I’ve simplified the psychology of relationships into four areas. Together, the four areas provide all that partners need to heal, thrive together and protect their relationship.
As you read through them, you may recognise one or more areas that could benefit you or your partner. We’ll explore these together and create a plan for change that works for each of you and for your relationship.
1
Triggers & Patterns
Learn to recognise your triggers and patterns as they happen, understand how they affect the way you think, feel and react, and see how they affect your partner and the relationship. You’ll learn how to respond differently, so you can stop patterns taking over and create a positive dynamic.
2
Emotional Connection
Learn to understand what lies beneath your partner’s reactions, including the emotions and needs that matter most to them. You’ll develop empathy for each other’s experience, learn how to support each other emotionally and create the connection, closeness and security you both need.
3
Communication Skills
Learn the advanced listening and communication skills used by therapists to help you both feel heard and understood. You’ll learn how to express your thoughts, feelings and needs clearly, manage difficult conversations, repair misunderstandings and work through problems together without losing your connection.
4
Relationship Knowledge
Learn how to think about your partner, yourself and your relationship in ways that support a healthy and successful partnership. You’ll learn the principles that help relationships function well and, importantly, how to apply them to your relationship so that you both feel valued, supported and know how much you matter to each other.
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What you’ll learn
I will always focus on the area that you want to work on.
As we work on what’s brought you here, these changes naturally develop. You’ll both leave knowing how to:
- Always be in control. You will each see and understand the relationship between all that happens between you to affect your emotions, and why you can experience them so differently. This is the key to solving future problems quickly, without needing further help.
- Meet yours and your partners needs.
- Understand the patterns damaging your relationship and replace them with what works.
- Heal the past, build trust and respect, and feel secure.
- Understand and support each other emotionally.
- How to express your thoughts and feelings with confidence.
- Value your differences and work together as a team.
- Feel free to be yourself whilst helping your partner feel free to be themselves.
- Learn the thinking that underpins all successful realtionships and how to apply to yours.
- Create a shared vision together.
Your new way of being together
You won’t have a relationship where nothing ever goes wrong. You’ll have a relationship where you understand what is happening between you and know how to work through difficulties when they arise.
Over time, this becomes your natural way of being together — understanding each other, solving problems together and protecting the relationship you have built.
And that’s exactly how it should be.
Fees
£140 — 75 minutes
I don’t believe you should have to pay until you’ve experienced what it’s like working together and decided you’d like to continue.
I offer longer sessions than are typical because meaningful change takes time.
Taking the next step
If you’d simply like to know more or ask a few questions, please feel free to call me. I’ll always make time for you.
When you’re ready to meet, you’ll find everything you need to know on the Getting Started page, including what to expect from your first meeting, how we begin working together, and why I approach it differently.