Couples Counselling
Understanding what's happening between you — and how to change it
How you might be struggling
I’m passionate about this work as I know, personally and professionally, how much difference the right help can make.
Couples I see come to improve what they have, solve long-term issues, work through troubles, rebuild their relationship or find a way to separate with care.
Here are some of the common struggles I help with:
Constant arguments and seeing things differently
You see things differently, and nothing gets resolved. You’ll learn how to turn arguments into conversations where you understand each other, agree on an outcome that works for both and follow through.
A lack of empathy and understanding
You don’t feel understood or validated. Together you’ll learn how to connect in ways that leave you feeling understood, knowing that each of your experiences matters and feeling part of an “us”.
A betrayal or break in trust
An affair or another breach of trust has left you hurt and unsure what happens next. I’ll help you both understand how to begin repairing your relationship, so the hurt partner can heal and feel safe to consider investing in it again.
Changes in one of your needs
When a partner’s needs change, as can naturally happen, the other partner can feel scared they no longer matter in the same way. I will show you how to support each other through changes and protect what you have together.
Competing for individual needs
You may feel you’re already giving all you can, yet your needs or your partner’s still go unmet. You’ll learn how to make room for both without feeling compromised or resentful, while looking after your relationship.
When a partner is triggered
Angry reactions, shouting, withdrawal, a slammed door or painful silence. You’ll learn how to manage your powerful emotions and express what you need in words instead.
A loss of connection or intimacy
It’s been so long that intimacy or closeness feels uncomfortable, yet is longed for. Together you’ll learn the communication, thinking and behaviours that can help you find that closeness again.
Can we we really change after all these years?
Is the question I’m asked more often than any other.
Years together don’t mean you’re destined to keep having the same difficulties. When you learn new ways to think about your relationship, gain the understanding and skills you need, and work through the old patterns that keep taking over, what happens between you can absolutely change.
It takes effort, but even after many years, couples can build the kind of relationship they had hoped for.
I see partners heal with trust, respect and care growing between them. Affection, intimacy and fun also can return—things many had feared they had lost for good.
How we make change happen
This is where my psychotherapy training makes a difference
Creating a safe space, finding ways to talk and offering practical solutions all matter. But couples can try very hard and still find themselves caught in the same difficulties. Even when you know how you want to respond, thoughts, feelings and reactions can pull you back into familiar patterns.
As a psychotherapist, I can help you understand what keeps those patterns going and work with the deeper feelings and needs behind them. Alongside the practical things we do together, this is what makes changes that last.
In sessions when helpful, I will:
- Pause when things go wrong, help you see what you haven't recognised and try a different way together.
- Teach you a model for difficult conversations, so you can communicate and listen with empathy and without blame, and create win-win outcomes.
- Help you understand your deeper needs, which recurring arguments are often a symptom of.
- Work with triggers and old patterns, so you recognise and can manage them before they take over.
- Help you know how to share thoughts and feelings so you feel connected, understood and part of an "us".
- Share the knowledge that keeps you feeling valued, secure and invested in each other.
Throughout our work, you’ll know what we’re focusing on and why. You won’t just understand what needs to change – we’ll begin making actual changes in the room, and I’ll guide you in how to continue at home, between sessions.
Understanding what your relationship needs from you
All relationships need enough of what each of the six areas below provides. As you read, you may recognise what is already strong between you and what is missing or difficult. These aren’t a sequence you have to work through; they help us identify where your relationship needs attention and what you may need to develop.
1
Expressing your needs
Understanding what you feel and why, and being able to express powerful emotions in ways that don’t hurt the relationship.
2
Knowing your partner
Knowing how they think and feel, what they need, how they need it and being willing to learn what you don’t yet know.
3
Giving what you both need
Successful relationships require you both to actively invest in each other’s happiness, learning what each of you needs and how to give it.
4
Rebuilding closeness and intimacy
A willingness to share your inner world and be vulnerable about your fears, hopes, dreams, fantasies and what you need to feel safe and secure.
5
Solving problems together
Each partner is able to manage their own emotions, has the practical skills needed and takes responsibility for creating win-win outcomes.
6
Protecting what you build
A commitment to turn up in the relationship in ways your partner can rely on, to keep investing in each other and to care about how you each feel.
Making the changes that matter to you
We always work with what matters to you and what has brought you here. You don’t have to work through every area in turn. As these areas are connected, solving one difficulty often brings changes elsewhere in your relationship.
My focus is on helping you resolve what brought you here in a way that lasts, rather than finding yourselves back in the same place.
I believe therapy has value when it makes a difference in your life. The care, understanding and support I offer all serve that purpose.
You don’t just resolve today’s problems. You become able to work through difficulties together and look after your relationship yourselves.
Your new way of being together
Over time, what you learn and practise becomes how you naturally are together. It becomes part of daily life, rather than something you have to think about.
As clients often tell me:
“It feels like there is an us now.”
Find out more before deciding what to do next
If you’d simply like to ask a question, find out more or talk things through, I’ll be pleased to hear from you. I’ll always make time for you, you won’t feel rushed and you don’t have to decide anything.
You can talk openly with me. I won’t judge either of you or take sides.
If you’d prefer to find out more first, the links below will take you to where you want to go, including to my fees and practical details on my Getting Started page.
You don’t have to know what you want to do next. Sometimes a conversation can help you work that out.
