Couples counselling for Purley – Helping you become the partners you need to be for each other
So you can understand each other, face difficulties together and protect what you have
Hi, I'm Paul
When a relationship is struggling, it can affect almost every part of life. You may be having the same arguments, feeling increasingly distant or wondering how two people who once felt so close became so hard to reach.
More than 20 years ago, I was struggling to make my own relationship work. No matter what we tried, nothing seemed to create lasting change. It was a lonely and difficult time, living beside the person I had chosen to spend my life with but not knowing how to change what was happening between us.
My experience of counselling changed much more than my relationship. It inspired me to retrain as a psychotherapist and specialise in working with couples. For the past 15 years, I’ve worked exclusively with couples.
I never forget what relationship difficulties can feel like when I’m helping others. I know how hard it can be to know what to do next. I work with couples from Purley and the surrounding areas, as well as online.
Understanding what keeps you stuck
Lasting change often begins when you can see the pattern beneath the problem. One of you may pursue a conversation while the other withdraws. You may both want closeness, yet protect yourselves in ways that create more distance.
My psychotherapy training allows me to understand what is happening within each of you as well as between you. Together, we can look at what drives your reactions, what gets in the way and what each of you needs to develop or do differently.
The aim is not simply to manage the latest disagreement. It is to help both of you develop in the ways your relationship needs, so that real and lasting change becomes possible.
Why change can still be possible
I see relationships that have felt lifeless for years come back to life, and couples resolve things they have argued about for what feels like forever.
In my experience, the length of time you’ve struggled – or how complicated things have become – doesn’t decide what is possible.
- People can only do what they currently know how to do.
- Much of what keeps couples stuck is difficult to see from inside the relationship.
- What you already know can be difficult to put into practice when old patterns and sensitivities are triggered.
- With the right understanding, knowledge and skills, you can respond differently and change what happens between you.
These principles shape the way I work with every couple.
Working together
Couples often arrive feeling frustrated, drained and uncertain about the future. It can be difficult to know where to begin when you are talking about something so personal.
I’m calm, patient and compassionate, and I’ll do my best to help both of you feel comfortable. Although I take the work seriously, I can also see the funny side of life when it naturally arises. Counselling doesn’t have to feel heavy all the time.
I won’t judge either of you or take sides. We all say and do things we regret at times. I certainly did.
At the same time, I won’t simply sit back and listen. I’ll be actively involved – helping you understand what is happening, identify what needs to change and gently supporting you as you begin doing things differently.
You’ll have a clear plan and always know what we’re working on, why we’re working on it and what you need to do next, with step-by-step guidance throughout.
We work together, but the aim is that eventually you won’t need me.
Find out more
If you’d like to know more, you can read about how I work with couples, my background, what you can expect from counselling and how to get started.
If you think I might be able to help, or simply have a question, I look forward to hearing from you. I’ll always make time to talk with you, without any expectation that you need to take things further.
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