Couples counselling in Banstead - couples who want things to be different
Understand each other more deeply, change painful patterns and rebuild confidence in your relationship
Hi, I'm Paul
You may be arguing more often, communicating less or carrying hurts that never seem properly resolved. Sometimes couples are not in constant conflict; they simply feel distant and no longer know how to come back together.
I came to this work through my own experience. More than 20 years ago, I was struggling in my relationship and could not make change last. Counselling helped me see what we could not see by ourselves and ultimately inspired me to retrain as a psychotherapist.
For 15 years, I’ve worked exclusively with couples. I know that coming to counselling can feel daunting, and I never forget how relationship problems can affect your sense of security, hope and everyday wellbeing.
I work with couples from Banstead and nearby areas, and online.
Creating change that lasts
Advice can help, but it is often difficult to use when emotions are running high. Lasting change requires a clearer understanding of what triggers each of you and how your reactions combine.
My psychotherapy training enables me to look beyond the obvious conflict. We can identify what gets in the way, what each partner is trying to protect and what each of you needs to do differently.
Rather than repeatedly repairing the latest argument, we work on the pattern that keeps producing it.
Difficult does not mean hopeless
I have seen relationships recover after years of frustration, distance and repeated disappointment.
The question is not whether you should already know how to fix this. It is whether you can gain the understanding and skills needed to respond differently.
- People can only use the understanding and skills they currently have.
- The most important parts of a pattern are often hard to see from within it.
- Insight becomes useful when it is translated into clear action.
- Supported practice helps a different response become more natural.
These principles shape the way I work with every couple.
Working together
Couples often arrive feeling frustrated, drained and uncertain about the future. It can be difficult to know where to begin when you are talking about something so personal.
I’m calm, patient and compassionate, and I’ll do my best to help both of you feel comfortable. Although I take the work seriously, I can also see the funny side of life when it naturally arises. Counselling doesn’t have to feel heavy all the time.
I won’t judge either of you or take sides. We all say and do things we regret at times. I certainly did.
At the same time, I won’t simply sit back and listen. I’ll be actively involved—helping you understand what is happening, identify what needs to change and gently supporting you as you begin doing things differently.
You’ll have a clear plan and always know what we’re working on, why we’re working on it and what you need to do next, with step-by-step guidance throughout.
We work together, but the aim is that eventually you won’t need me.
Find out more
If you look around the website, you’ll find out more about me, how I work with couples and what to expect if you decide to get in touch.
The pages below explain couples counselling and what you can achieve, my background and how to get started.
If you think I might be able to help, or simply have a question, I look forward to hearing from you.
Latest articles
Why Talking About Your Relationship Can Sometimes Make Things Worse
When there is a problem in a relationship, the obvious answer seems to be: talk about it. So you wait until...
Does Your Relationship Have the Basics?
We all have essential emotional needs that help us feel safe, valued, understood, and connected. These needs are a normal...
Why Partners Drift Apart – and How to Rebuild Your Relationship
There is a simple story, that for me encapsulates how relationships change. A couple are lying together in bed when,...